Sickness is not sexy and so is chronic pain. We try to hide it a little. We would rather not talk about it. We hope that if we ignore it might naturally goes away. But that will not happen. We are living in a world of youth, beauty, vitality and wrinkle creams. We refuse to look death in the eye.
We are getting older every day. And it is inevitable we will get sick. If we take the good fortune not long and we recover. But what if you make every day with poor health? If it persists so for many years; with no cure, and little to no illumination.
We suffer from many diseases where there is no solution, we only can try fight the symptoms: diabetes, arthritis, Parkinson’s, MS, chronic migraine, IBD, fibromyalgia in order just to name a few. A chronic illness disrupts your life and often leads to anxiety and depression. Feelings that almost always thereby arise are:
Precautions to be a burden or dependent
Struggling to maintain good relationships
Burdened by the demands of living with a disease to you
Guilt because you do not ‘match’ your partner feels more
Struggling with feelings of loneliness, and like to work with someone
The lack of emotional and physical intimacy
Feeling unwanted, or helpless
You feel guilty because your partner you are stuck
Feeling trapped in your body.
As a side effect of his medication one of my patients with Parkinson’s had become impotent. He felt valueless, unwanted. Another patient with MS called himself worthless and invalid because she believed that she could never have a child. Yet another of my patients had ulcerative and he had periods when he could control his bowels so badly that he was ashamed and felt himself dirty. Again it caused him feel anxious and sexually inhibited relative of his wife.
Here are 8 ways to have a strong bond despite your illness.
1 . Focus on your positive and good sides . I do not mean that you have to keep fooling yourself, or to say empty words to yourself. But we all have a certain beauty hidden within us. You too! Challenge yourself even to look inside you and pick your beautiful sides out: your fighting spirit, your strength, your determination. Do you all not you think? What did you think of your beautiful brown eyes? Do not have brown eyes? Blue then? And what about your soft skin and your bravery? Your generosity? Your good heart? You are a collection of thousands of macro and micro great things. They make you. Which colors you. But your chronic illness has ensured that you have forgotten. Remember well: you are more than your disease, much more than your pain. The more positive things you can name and can get out and can show, the more will get to your partner and create a resource where you both can drink.
2 . Talk to each other. There are very few of us actually sit down, look into each others’ eyes and make a true connection without storing or react down the eyes. Go along really sit without distractions such as telephone, television or other toy, touch each other and make physical contact. Bend toward each other and touch your partner’s knee, hand, shoulder – to give your attention, openness and willingness. Allows you say, “Okay, let’s do it.” Share what and how you want it.
3. Take the risk and feel! Come very close to yourself and experience consciously what you feel. Experience your vulnerability to your partner. This shows that you have confidence. If you are not rejected you will make it stronger. If you are rejected or you have to figure out what went wrong between you and whether it can be repaired.
4. Look at what is good. Do you have thick hair? How do they smell? He gets up ten minutes earlier to make a cup of tea for you? How he loves to open the door of the car? The goodnight kiss? Try to really observe exactly what the other is doing well and experience it consciously. Feel good about it and feel loved and cared for by it.
5. Show your love each other . Use sweet words, touch each other, give a loving look, give a warm, gentle hug. What do you know about your partner. Does he love going out? Does she love a nice bath? Beach Walks? Thrillers? Whatever it is, take it really, really your best to give others that experience. Make your partner your number one and make sure he or she feels loved. Love will generate more love, and you will also experience more self-love. The love you give will reflect back to you.
6. Be kind to yourself! The manual is the same. Talk to yourself. Use kind words, pack your own hand firmly, place a hand on your heart and feel it’s right. Breath. Think of good things. Let your mind go into positives. When negative thoughts pop up, bring your mind calm back to the good stuff, and concentrate on your breathing. A breath at a time, slowly. Note that your belly expands during inhalation. As you exhale your stomach goes back. Get comfort from your breathing.
7. Tell your partner you need to have. Not cherish tend to wallow you’ll be unhappy and to think, “If she or he really love me, he or she would know what I need, and I would not have to ask.”
Remember: You need your partner to learn how to love you. When, why and how to ‘give’ you? Tell in, honest and clear words. Leave no room for confusion or mixed signals. For example: “I feel hurt and disappointed because you have not asked me how my doctor’s appointment went today. I wish you would remember these things, I would feel that you love me. Can you please just hold me very tight? ”
8. Stay connected with the outside world. This protects you from loneliness and can act like glue in your relationship with others. Provide interpersonal contact as soon as you can muster the slightest. Every little bit counts. See there is already a small victory if you’re talking to the neighbor, the postman and the greengrocer.
Try a few of these tips, or try them all night. If you are on your worst day still, if only, you can try any of these tips, you add all something to your relationship, and your emotional statement. It’s just hard to keep your relationship in balance when you’re dealing with a chronic illness, but practice makes perfect. If you apply these tips often eventually they become automated actions. If you continue with this you both can feel relaxed , satisfied and at ease.